So here we are again…
I am about to (well, I did yesterday, truthfully) set out on a 90 day challenge with myself.
So over the past year I have been weighing in a lot higher than I would like/ am used to.
Now, it risks sounding pretentious to even say this, coming from someone who has lost 100+ pounds, but I am heavier than I want to be by an amount that makes me look to take action.
At my lowest, I was 195. (Heaviest was 330) When I look back I see that 195 was too thin for me. After years of slowly altering where I was, the weight where I am most comfortable in (clothes wise, feeling wise, appearance wise, health and strength wise) is in the 205 range. Does not sound like a lot, but those 10 pounds make a difference.
When I weighed myself a few days ago, I was at 224. If those 10 pounds between 195 and 205 make a difference, you bet your ass the 20 between 205 and my current weight make a difference as well. And not a good one.
This just does not work for me. I’m bigger than I want to be, my clothes (that I bought 20+ pounds ago) are agreeing that this is not working. My joints are telling me it, my workouts are telling me it, how I feel overall (while still good, but there is a definite difference) is telling me it. Things need to change, and I’m at the point where I’m making it happen. Now.
So I started yesterday. I am back onto MyFitnessPal hardcore. I’m not going to cheat (which was a big part of the gain). I’m going to get more active and mix it up. I’m upping the running mileage, adding in a biking routine, and will try and also incorporate swimming as well.
90 days, starting yesterday ends on Nov 18th. This is a HUGE day for me. It’s the anniversary of basically everything in my life that is fitness and weight loss related. It was the day I reached my tipping point and decided that I needed to make changes. It’s the day went for my first run ever. It’s the day I set my Half Marathon PR. It was the day my open letter to my daughter (easily the favorite thing I’ve ever written) was published on the Runner’s World website. Its going to be the day that put myself back to where I want to be. Its aggressive, but I want to be back to 205 on 11/18. 90 days. 3 months 12 weeks. 20 pounds.
I’m going back to the same philosophy that got me here in the first place and led me to success: I’m going to be publicly accountable. I’m just putting it out there and forcing myself to stick to it.
So how the hell did I get into the “your pants don’t quite fit” zone?
Truthfully, it’s not surprising. I got cocky. And lazy. Eating things I know I shouldn’t, at a frequency and volume I also know I shouldn’t.
Me and my goddamned Ben & Jerry’s.
I was just completely Stupid Stupid Stupid.
So I am stopping this now so that 20 up does not turn into 40 up or 80 up.
I think that I also let time get the better of me in terms of memory and remembering exactly how hard it was to lose the weight the first time. A lot of “oh, I know exactly what to do to lose xxxx pounds again. I did it once I can do it again no problem if I ever need to” (Like I told you, I got cocky. I’m not proud of it, but I will be truthful)I did not consider that this was a 5 years ago and an almost 35 year old body reacts differently than an almost 40 year old body does. Time had hazed over how strict I had to be and how closely I had to follow the plan I had laid out for myself. That haze is gone however. It’s going to take hard work to get back, but I can and will do it. While im not exactly thrilled that this happened, I am at least a little grateful, if only because it snapped my ass back into reality and reminded me that this really is a lifelong change that takes a conscious effort, and it also demonstrated just how easy it all could disappear if I let things slide.
It not like I sat on the couch and ate peanut butter cups all year- I had some medical stuff in the beginning of the year with forced me to take the entire month of January off from active workouts. So while I was totally inactive, I was eating heavier amounts than usual/ necessary and I would like to believe that my body was hanging onto the food in a different way as well. So that started me off way behind the starting line. Then as I have gotten more active, I have gotten lax in my usual strict eating routines. It’s always been a conscious decision, aware of the moment but not looking past that to the overall picture. Only when a sizeable chunk of weight was added did I stop and realize that all the little drops in the bucket ended up filling the damn bucket all the way up to the “I’m no longer ok with this” line.
It’s not all bad news doom and gloom: I have maintained a healthy 50 mile per month average from feb through now, which is higher than I have ever been used to totaling before. And I’ve felt good. Been holding down respectable paces (for me at least) and running pretty strong. I think it’s time to throw some curveballs at my body and force it to adapt again, while eating a strict diet again.
I hate having to re-lose weight that I’ve already lost once. It’s the principle of the matter. It was hard enough the first time.
But it’s time to do just that- lose the weight. Again.
Here we go.
Thanks for reading this and take it easy.